Doing Less

Today is a fabulous day! It's the last day of school, which means I'm no longer employed! It is a big relief to know I don't have that obligation anymore. While it has been a great experience, I am glad to shrug off that responsibility. The past two years have been some of the most challenging for me, but I know I've experienced some growth too. Granted my job was only part-time, but it felt like a full time one--always thinking and planning on what I needed to do next. I really can empathize with moms who work now; I don't know how they continue to do it and keep things going at home. I am grateful and blessed that I have a choice.

Looking back, I remember when Megan started 1st grade and I had all those long, lovely hours to myself at home. I remember distinctly saying to a friend that I felt guilty that I "didn't have anything to do." HA! I'll never say that again! While I'm never idle (I always can find a project), I did feel like I should have been doing more with my time, and that is when I accepted the offer from our principal to teach Kindergarten Art. I only did that for 4 months, and then she offered me the position to be the SEM teacher. (SEM is the class for students who need "enrichment" or a challenge in addition to their regular classroom curriculum.) It seemed like that was the answer to my dilemma. It would mean I could work, but not full-time, and do something I felt was worthwhile and would make a difference.

For the past two years I have enjoyed this position. It has provided a chance for me to get back into the workforce after 13 years of being home with my girls. I couldn't have asked for a better work environment; I have truly enjoyed and learned from the teachers and staff at Snow Horse, and have made some wonderful friends. I have also seen how hard teachers work, for such little pay--it's a shame and inspiration at the same time.

That being said, I can't deny I'm ecstatic to be home again. I know a few women who go crazy staying home all day, but not me. I love it, and see it as a blessing now more than ever. I vow I will never say I feel guilty about it again! It's been a hard year for me in that I feel our family was being pulled in too many directions. With me working and being Young Women president, Mike spending longer hours at work because of his new supervisor position, Danika and Brooke dancing in Bountiful 6 hours a week (with an hour commute), Megan's piano lessons and soccer, selling our home so quickly and moving, and the uncertainty of where we would end up our family has felt splintered and disjointed.

The past few weeks I've had to regroup and take a hard look at my priorities. For some reason I had to talk myself into quitting my job. I re-read Sis. Beck's talk from Oct. 2007 Conference--"Mother's Who Know." I remember how excited I was when I heard this talk. Sis. Beck is amazing and knows exactly what women face today. I feel she has truly been inspired to teach us to hold the world at a distance and focus on our families--and to find value in doing so when being a mother is not glamorized. The part that particularly caught my attention is "Mothers Who Know Do Less." It is is exactly what I needed to read to validate my choice:

"They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

Hopefully I can retain the excitement I feel now and keep focusing on what's most important. I'm starting with a goal to do better at making sure our family eats together as often as possible. This takes planning, and I haven't been very good at it in the past. It should be easier now that we are pulling back on outside activities. Danika is not going to dance next year, she is just going to run cross country at school. Brooke loved her dance experience at Creative Arts Academy, but is going to take classes in Kaysville next year. We were thinking about having Megan try out for a comp soccer league, but that meant at least 2 games a week plus practices. So we've decided just to keep her in the rec league instead. While these choices are difficult to make, we are trying to follow the counsel to do less.

"Do less" almost seems counter intuitive to the gospel mantras of "raise the bar," "do it," "be a little better," and "lengthen your stride." I've thought of making one of those plaques with the phrase "Do Less" on it, but people might think I'm a loser. I guess it really is the same thing as saying "Simplify."

I've had an ongoing joke with Bethany that we both are just fine with mediocrity. It seems in Utah the majority of women around us are super-cute super-moms with super-kids who live in super-houses and take super-vacations. It is hard to keep up, if you're into competition. But somewhere there has to be a point where we say "it's enough." It's a daily battle for sure, but thanks to Sis. Beck I feel like that expectation has been lifted. A while ago at our Stake Conference, she spoke about women needing to be a "lioness at the gate" of our homes--to fiercely protect what comes into our homes, and what we permit to occupy our time. I think it's interesting that agency nowadays often means not choosing between good and evil, but between what's "good, better or best." The danger is in the subtleties. Sis. Beck's labels for these choices are: is it "nice, necessary, or essential" to our family, and more importantly to our salvation?

Wow I'm really getting off on a tangent! But these are the issues that I've been facing lately and realizing I've come up short. So here's to a new beginning for me, which really is a return to what I feel is most important. Maybe that age-old saying "less is more" really is true!