Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Dreaded "F word"
I read a blog post at "Beginnings New" today that revisited a topic that used to cause me a lot of concern and frustration. It has to do with some young women who consider themselves feminists and are struggling with the concept of the Priesthood.
This is still a very compelling issue for our young women today. I think LDS women have an even harder battle than women outside the church when it comes to feminism because of the added spiritual component. It's not just about equality in the workforce or home, but we have issue of the patriarchal order & the Priesthood.
I went through my own crisis of faith over this very thing. When I went to college (at BYU, of all places to have a crisis of faith!) I took many classes taught by both LDS and non-LDS feminist professors. While I loved what I was learning and how it made me feel empowered, I couldn't reconcile my sense of injustice toward women with my religious beliefs. Most of those teachers were fired or not given tenure and left BYU to teach elsewhere. I felt like the university administration was on a "witch hunt" so to speak to suppress any teaching that might threaten Church doctrine. So I graduated with a really bad taste in my mouth for the patriarchal church government system.
One blogger posted this response, which I thought was an excellent perspective. "Mommie Dearest" said...
"I've wondered why only one gender is ordained to the priesthood. I found it comforting that the Lord does not require women to be ordained in order to receive salvation, or temple blessings. I've also found comfort in the small ways that women serve at priesthood-like duties in the temple. I take it as evidence that the Lord doesn't have a grudge against our whole gender."
"I really took a giant step in my understanding of the priesthood (at least as it is here on earth) from an excellent reading in Sunday School (of all places!) of the oath and covenant of the priesthood in D&C 84. I felt it in my solar plexus when told by our teacher that everything in that scripture applies equally to both men and women, and that women need not think that they are exempt from meeting the requirements as receivers of the covenant, nor are they not as fully blessed by what the Lord promises in return just because they are not ordained to be the administrators at this time on the earth."
"I've come to view that the priesthood is given to us by the Lord kind of like a feast, that all who are willing to prepare themselves are invited to partake of equally, and for his own reasons that aren't revealed, the Lord has designated that only men serve in the capacity of wait staff. They can't really even serve this feast to themselves when they are acting as waiters, but in order to partake of the feast they have to be recipients at the feast alongside women. Sometimes I think we all get a little overly focused on how wonderful and blessed it is to be a waiter at the Lord's feast and forget that the focus is more correctly on the nourishment (blessings) we all receive from partaking. The amazing thing is that the Lord has condescended to give us all these priesthood blessings in what otherwise would be a bleak world of malnutrition."
I love the feast analogy! The wait staff doesn't get any special privileges or extra servings. They have to sit down with the rest of us to enjoy the nourishment. I really love that!
Another blogger referenced a 1985 talk by Gordon B. Hinckley that offered some great insight into our roles & privileges as women. I appreciate these words:
"Do not worry away your lives with concerns over “rights,” so-called, but move forward, concerned with responsibilities and opportunities. . . . Go forward with confidence in the knowledge that the differences you face are not those which come of discrimination so much as those which come of designation."
Like it or not, women and men have different, designated roles. Not that one can't do the other, but there is a God-given order, and frankly I don't want to do both! Of course, this answer doesn't usually cut it with feminist-thinkers. It didn't cut it with me back when I was younger.
Over the years, after becoming a wife and mother, I have come to peace with the Priesthood and how it is administered. It has been a personal, spiritual journey, and none of the "answers" I heard at church helped me reach this peace. It was through prayer, temple worship, living the gospel and obedience that brought me to this place. Any of the "Sunday school" answers are not going to ring true to a girl with these questions. Our limited mortal understanding simply cannot know what Heavenly Father knows, and why things are the way they are. Young women need to understand that it takes time, desire, diligence, and real intent to seek for their answer (and trust--thanks Bee).
One book that helped me was "Who Stole Feminism?" It is a book that looks at how the feminist movement was started to promote women's suffrage, but evolved into something bigger. It isn't a book that got very good reviews, and I'm sure that most feminists would mock it. It distinguishes between "equity feminists," who celebrate women's achievements and want partnership with men, and "gender feminists" who are simply anti-male and suspicious of everything they do. They want everything perfectly meted out between men and women. I came to the realization that a partnership between men and women has to be one of give and take--concessions and adjustments. I saw which side of the line I was on and wanted to change my thinking.
I think it's very hard for a die-hard gender feminist to be 100% active in the church. There are many hurdles that are just too hard to get over when looking at the church through those lenses. I'm hopeful that any young woman who struggles with these issues will truly seek for understanding rather than throwing in the towel because it's too hard. It all depends on the intent of those young women's hearts. If they truly want to understand, they won't give up trying. If they don't, they will most likely use it as an excuse to leave the church.
I still consider myself a feminist--although a "reformed" one. I've come to hate the dreaded "F word" (Feminist) because it has a negative connotation. I don't want people to think I'm a militant bra burner. I wish someone would coin a word that means "conservative Mormon seeker of separate but equal male/female relationships." Let me know if you come up with something.
This is still a very compelling issue for our young women today. I think LDS women have an even harder battle than women outside the church when it comes to feminism because of the added spiritual component. It's not just about equality in the workforce or home, but we have issue of the patriarchal order & the Priesthood.
I went through my own crisis of faith over this very thing. When I went to college (at BYU, of all places to have a crisis of faith!) I took many classes taught by both LDS and non-LDS feminist professors. While I loved what I was learning and how it made me feel empowered, I couldn't reconcile my sense of injustice toward women with my religious beliefs. Most of those teachers were fired or not given tenure and left BYU to teach elsewhere. I felt like the university administration was on a "witch hunt" so to speak to suppress any teaching that might threaten Church doctrine. So I graduated with a really bad taste in my mouth for the patriarchal church government system.
One blogger posted this response, which I thought was an excellent perspective. "Mommie Dearest" said...
"I've wondered why only one gender is ordained to the priesthood. I found it comforting that the Lord does not require women to be ordained in order to receive salvation, or temple blessings. I've also found comfort in the small ways that women serve at priesthood-like duties in the temple. I take it as evidence that the Lord doesn't have a grudge against our whole gender."
"I really took a giant step in my understanding of the priesthood (at least as it is here on earth) from an excellent reading in Sunday School (of all places!) of the oath and covenant of the priesthood in D&C 84. I felt it in my solar plexus when told by our teacher that everything in that scripture applies equally to both men and women, and that women need not think that they are exempt from meeting the requirements as receivers of the covenant, nor are they not as fully blessed by what the Lord promises in return just because they are not ordained to be the administrators at this time on the earth."
"I've come to view that the priesthood is given to us by the Lord kind of like a feast, that all who are willing to prepare themselves are invited to partake of equally, and for his own reasons that aren't revealed, the Lord has designated that only men serve in the capacity of wait staff. They can't really even serve this feast to themselves when they are acting as waiters, but in order to partake of the feast they have to be recipients at the feast alongside women. Sometimes I think we all get a little overly focused on how wonderful and blessed it is to be a waiter at the Lord's feast and forget that the focus is more correctly on the nourishment (blessings) we all receive from partaking. The amazing thing is that the Lord has condescended to give us all these priesthood blessings in what otherwise would be a bleak world of malnutrition."
I love the feast analogy! The wait staff doesn't get any special privileges or extra servings. They have to sit down with the rest of us to enjoy the nourishment. I really love that!
Another blogger referenced a 1985 talk by Gordon B. Hinckley that offered some great insight into our roles & privileges as women. I appreciate these words:
"Do not worry away your lives with concerns over “rights,” so-called, but move forward, concerned with responsibilities and opportunities. . . . Go forward with confidence in the knowledge that the differences you face are not those which come of discrimination so much as those which come of designation."
Like it or not, women and men have different, designated roles. Not that one can't do the other, but there is a God-given order, and frankly I don't want to do both! Of course, this answer doesn't usually cut it with feminist-thinkers. It didn't cut it with me back when I was younger.
Over the years, after becoming a wife and mother, I have come to peace with the Priesthood and how it is administered. It has been a personal, spiritual journey, and none of the "answers" I heard at church helped me reach this peace. It was through prayer, temple worship, living the gospel and obedience that brought me to this place. Any of the "Sunday school" answers are not going to ring true to a girl with these questions. Our limited mortal understanding simply cannot know what Heavenly Father knows, and why things are the way they are. Young women need to understand that it takes time, desire, diligence, and real intent to seek for their answer (and trust--thanks Bee).
One book that helped me was "Who Stole Feminism?" It is a book that looks at how the feminist movement was started to promote women's suffrage, but evolved into something bigger. It isn't a book that got very good reviews, and I'm sure that most feminists would mock it. It distinguishes between "equity feminists," who celebrate women's achievements and want partnership with men, and "gender feminists" who are simply anti-male and suspicious of everything they do. They want everything perfectly meted out between men and women. I came to the realization that a partnership between men and women has to be one of give and take--concessions and adjustments. I saw which side of the line I was on and wanted to change my thinking.
I think it's very hard for a die-hard gender feminist to be 100% active in the church. There are many hurdles that are just too hard to get over when looking at the church through those lenses. I'm hopeful that any young woman who struggles with these issues will truly seek for understanding rather than throwing in the towel because it's too hard. It all depends on the intent of those young women's hearts. If they truly want to understand, they won't give up trying. If they don't, they will most likely use it as an excuse to leave the church.
I still consider myself a feminist--although a "reformed" one. I've come to hate the dreaded "F word" (Feminist) because it has a negative connotation. I don't want people to think I'm a militant bra burner. I wish someone would coin a word that means "conservative Mormon seeker of separate but equal male/female relationships." Let me know if you come up with something.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Movin' On Up
Here is our new lot. Right now it's just a huge weed patch and an enormous pile of dirt, but I love the view out the back. That is our Stake Center and where we will go to church (behind the fence on the right). We submitted our plans to the city today, so hopefully we can start digging our foundation before the end of June--exciting!
I hadn't realized it, but today after Mike got home he pointed out that maybe it was "meant to be" for us to get this lot because the address is 568 . . . Mike's birthday (5/68). Our last address on Cooper St. was 1918, the year both my dad and Mike's grandpa were born. Maybe it's nothing, but it's fun to think about!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Right of Passage
This post is of a very personal nature, and I hesitate putting it "out there" in cyber space. However, I know any woman over 18 who has been to the gynecologist, had a baby, or experienced any of the varied, tortuous, humiliating, necessary evils of routine women's medical care can relate.
Since I'm 40 now, I had the non-pleasure of having my very first mammogram today.
This is all I have to say:
Since I'm 40 now, I had the non-pleasure of having my very first mammogram today.
This is all I have to say:
Friday, June 4, 2010
Doing Less
Today is a fabulous day! It's the last day of school, which means I'm no longer employed! It is a big relief to know I don't have that obligation anymore. While it has been a great experience, I am glad to shrug off that responsibility. The past two years have been some of the most challenging for me, but I know I've experienced some growth too. Granted my job was only part-time, but it felt like a full time one--always thinking and planning on what I needed to do next. I really can empathize with moms who work now; I don't know how they continue to do it and keep things going at home. I am grateful and blessed that I have a choice.
Looking back, I remember when Megan started 1st grade and I had all those long, lovely hours to myself at home. I remember distinctly saying to a friend that I felt guilty that I "didn't have anything to do." HA! I'll never say that again! While I'm never idle (I always can find a project), I did feel like I should have been doing more with my time, and that is when I accepted the offer from our principal to teach Kindergarten Art. I only did that for 4 months, and then she offered me the position to be the SEM teacher. (SEM is the class for students who need "enrichment" or a challenge in addition to their regular classroom curriculum.) It seemed like that was the answer to my dilemma. It would mean I could work, but not full-time, and do something I felt was worthwhile and would make a difference.
For the past two years I have enjoyed this position. It has provided a chance for me to get back into the workforce after 13 years of being home with my girls. I couldn't have asked for a better work environment; I have truly enjoyed and learned from the teachers and staff at Snow Horse, and have made some wonderful friends. I have also seen how hard teachers work, for such little pay--it's a shame and inspiration at the same time.
That being said, I can't deny I'm ecstatic to be home again. I know a few women who go crazy staying home all day, but not me. I love it, and see it as a blessing now more than ever. I vow I will never say I feel guilty about it again! It's been a hard year for me in that I feel our family was being pulled in too many directions. With me working and being Young Women president, Mike spending longer hours at work because of his new supervisor position, Danika and Brooke dancing in Bountiful 6 hours a week (with an hour commute), Megan's piano lessons and soccer, selling our home so quickly and moving, and the uncertainty of where we would end up our family has felt splintered and disjointed.
The past few weeks I've had to regroup and take a hard look at my priorities. For some reason I had to talk myself into quitting my job. I re-read Sis. Beck's talk from Oct. 2007 Conference--"Mother's Who Know." I remember how excited I was when I heard this talk. Sis. Beck is amazing and knows exactly what women face today. I feel she has truly been inspired to teach us to hold the world at a distance and focus on our families--and to find value in doing so when being a mother is not glamorized. The part that particularly caught my attention is "Mothers Who Know Do Less." It is is exactly what I needed to read to validate my choice:
"They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."
Hopefully I can retain the excitement I feel now and keep focusing on what's most important. I'm starting with a goal to do better at making sure our family eats together as often as possible. This takes planning, and I haven't been very good at it in the past. It should be easier now that we are pulling back on outside activities. Danika is not going to dance next year, she is just going to run cross country at school. Brooke loved her dance experience at Creative Arts Academy, but is going to take classes in Kaysville next year. We were thinking about having Megan try out for a comp soccer league, but that meant at least 2 games a week plus practices. So we've decided just to keep her in the rec league instead. While these choices are difficult to make, we are trying to follow the counsel to do less.
"Do less" almost seems counter intuitive to the gospel mantras of "raise the bar," "do it," "be a little better," and "lengthen your stride." I've thought of making one of those plaques with the phrase "Do Less" on it, but people might think I'm a loser. I guess it really is the same thing as saying "Simplify."
I've had an ongoing joke with Bethany that we both are just fine with mediocrity. It seems in Utah the majority of women around us are super-cute super-moms with super-kids who live in super-houses and take super-vacations. It is hard to keep up, if you're into competition. But somewhere there has to be a point where we say "it's enough." It's a daily battle for sure, but thanks to Sis. Beck I feel like that expectation has been lifted. A while ago at our Stake Conference, she spoke about women needing to be a "lioness at the gate" of our homes--to fiercely protect what comes into our homes, and what we permit to occupy our time. I think it's interesting that agency nowadays often means not choosing between good and evil, but between what's "good, better or best." The danger is in the subtleties. Sis. Beck's labels for these choices are: is it "nice, necessary, or essential" to our family, and more importantly to our salvation?
Wow I'm really getting off on a tangent! But these are the issues that I've been facing lately and realizing I've come up short. So here's to a new beginning for me, which really is a return to what I feel is most important. Maybe that age-old saying "less is more" really is true!
Looking back, I remember when Megan started 1st grade and I had all those long, lovely hours to myself at home. I remember distinctly saying to a friend that I felt guilty that I "didn't have anything to do." HA! I'll never say that again! While I'm never idle (I always can find a project), I did feel like I should have been doing more with my time, and that is when I accepted the offer from our principal to teach Kindergarten Art. I only did that for 4 months, and then she offered me the position to be the SEM teacher. (SEM is the class for students who need "enrichment" or a challenge in addition to their regular classroom curriculum.) It seemed like that was the answer to my dilemma. It would mean I could work, but not full-time, and do something I felt was worthwhile and would make a difference.
For the past two years I have enjoyed this position. It has provided a chance for me to get back into the workforce after 13 years of being home with my girls. I couldn't have asked for a better work environment; I have truly enjoyed and learned from the teachers and staff at Snow Horse, and have made some wonderful friends. I have also seen how hard teachers work, for such little pay--it's a shame and inspiration at the same time.
That being said, I can't deny I'm ecstatic to be home again. I know a few women who go crazy staying home all day, but not me. I love it, and see it as a blessing now more than ever. I vow I will never say I feel guilty about it again! It's been a hard year for me in that I feel our family was being pulled in too many directions. With me working and being Young Women president, Mike spending longer hours at work because of his new supervisor position, Danika and Brooke dancing in Bountiful 6 hours a week (with an hour commute), Megan's piano lessons and soccer, selling our home so quickly and moving, and the uncertainty of where we would end up our family has felt splintered and disjointed.
The past few weeks I've had to regroup and take a hard look at my priorities. For some reason I had to talk myself into quitting my job. I re-read Sis. Beck's talk from Oct. 2007 Conference--"Mother's Who Know." I remember how excited I was when I heard this talk. Sis. Beck is amazing and knows exactly what women face today. I feel she has truly been inspired to teach us to hold the world at a distance and focus on our families--and to find value in doing so when being a mother is not glamorized. The part that particularly caught my attention is "Mothers Who Know Do Less." It is is exactly what I needed to read to validate my choice:
"They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."
Hopefully I can retain the excitement I feel now and keep focusing on what's most important. I'm starting with a goal to do better at making sure our family eats together as often as possible. This takes planning, and I haven't been very good at it in the past. It should be easier now that we are pulling back on outside activities. Danika is not going to dance next year, she is just going to run cross country at school. Brooke loved her dance experience at Creative Arts Academy, but is going to take classes in Kaysville next year. We were thinking about having Megan try out for a comp soccer league, but that meant at least 2 games a week plus practices. So we've decided just to keep her in the rec league instead. While these choices are difficult to make, we are trying to follow the counsel to do less.
"Do less" almost seems counter intuitive to the gospel mantras of "raise the bar," "do it," "be a little better," and "lengthen your stride." I've thought of making one of those plaques with the phrase "Do Less" on it, but people might think I'm a loser. I guess it really is the same thing as saying "Simplify."
I've had an ongoing joke with Bethany that we both are just fine with mediocrity. It seems in Utah the majority of women around us are super-cute super-moms with super-kids who live in super-houses and take super-vacations. It is hard to keep up, if you're into competition. But somewhere there has to be a point where we say "it's enough." It's a daily battle for sure, but thanks to Sis. Beck I feel like that expectation has been lifted. A while ago at our Stake Conference, she spoke about women needing to be a "lioness at the gate" of our homes--to fiercely protect what comes into our homes, and what we permit to occupy our time. I think it's interesting that agency nowadays often means not choosing between good and evil, but between what's "good, better or best." The danger is in the subtleties. Sis. Beck's labels for these choices are: is it "nice, necessary, or essential" to our family, and more importantly to our salvation?
Wow I'm really getting off on a tangent! But these are the issues that I've been facing lately and realizing I've come up short. So here's to a new beginning for me, which really is a return to what I feel is most important. Maybe that age-old saying "less is more" really is true!
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