Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

While I was waiting to get my hair cut yesterday, I was flipping through the January issue of Good Housekeeping and something--or someone--caught my eye: Matthew McConaughey. Just a little picture of him on a page entitled "Best Relationship Advice." My interest was piqued. Matt's easy on the eyes, no doubt, but what kind of "wisdom" could this seeming playboy impart to me about relationships? Did he really have anything worthwhile to say? I read on, and here is what he said:

"Sometimes when a woman falls for a guy, she [asks him to change], and he changes so much that she loses her Huck Finn, the rascal in the man she fell in love with. Men are willing to change to make you happy -- but don't completely take the boy out of the man. You're gonna miss him."

I sat back. Hmmm.

I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. And I think it's an especially valid perspective coming from a man--a very cute man who has women dropping at his feet. I thought, "So this is what a man who could have practically any woman really wants." Sure, it's what all men want--freedom! But the essence of McConaughey's statement is not "let us have free reign," but rather "we will do anything for a woman who adores our inner boy." That is powerful knowledge.

Most of the time we women complain and/or roll our eyes when accosted with tales of our husband's most recent boyish antics (me included). Most of the time we want our guy to settle down and be mature. We domesticate them so much that the boy we fell in love with is completely erased. I mean. . . I'm predictable, and part of what attracted me to Mike waaay back in high school was that he was what I wasn't. At least to me it seemed like he was adventurous, fearless, capricious, spontaneous--in a good way, not a self-destructive way.

Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be married to boring me, so why do I insist that he "be careful," "slow down," and "stay home?" That's my role. There definitely needs to be a balance in married life, but if my guy needs to let his hair down sometimes (no bald joke intended), why do I need to make him feel guilty about it? Why do women make men "pay" for going and having some fun? Lest I be misunderstood, I am not a proponent of fun that involves hanging out at the local strip joint or gambling in a smokey barroom into the wee hours of the morning whilst shirking familial duties; what I am promoting is wholesome outdoorsy sports, working out, motocross races, football games, whitewater rafting, rock climbing, dipnet salmon fishing, riding a Harley--whatever floats his boat. Let's face it, a lot of men are adrenaline junkies. And often, whether we want to admit it, that's what makes us twitterpated. (I can't believe I'm actually writing this--my inner feminist is attempting to claw my eyes out this very moment).

So here's my challenge to all my married women friends: This Valentine's Day if you want to give your guy a great gift, let him go out and be Huck Finn. No strings attached. Don't corner him into a nice dinner at a stuffy restaurant, or guilt him into bringing you roses or buying you chocolates or jewelry. Better yet, offer to go with him on a recreational activity of his choosing (stipulation: not sex). I've read that spending recreational time with his wife is one of the top five basic male needs (His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, Jr.). For me it's much easier just to let him go with a friend, but I know that he appreciates it when I give up my agenda to just go play together. It doesn't happen very often, and most of the time I complain the entire time, so I know I have a long way to go in this area. But I'm vowing today to allow the little boy to surface once in a while, without reprimand or restraint.


What think ye, ladies? Are you game?

Choose Faith!

My very astute friend Bethany emailed me this in response to my last post. I love it so much I am sharing it with the rest of you. It is from a devotional given by Gregory Clark, associate dean of the BYU College of Humanities, on 6 May 2008.

"What, exactly, does it take—day by day, hour by hour—to choose faith over fear?"

"My youngest daughter and newest son-in-law are patiently therapeutic in their approach to my fearfulness. For my birthday last year they copied in calligraphy a quote from President Hinckley and framed it for my office. It hangs above my desk. This is what it says: “It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry.” I read that every day. Multiple times."

"These are the first three sentences of a statement President Hinckley included in his wife’s funeral program on a day that must have been one of the hardest of this good man’s life. Here is the full statement: 'It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. . . . Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. . . . If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.' [Gordon B. Hinckley, quoted in Latter-day Counsel, “Excerpts from Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley,” Ensign, October 2000, 73; see also “Put Your Trust in God,” Ensign, February 2006, 63]"

"I think this is the answer to my question about how to go about the constant project of choosing faith. This is what faith looks like in daily practice. And if President Hinckley needed to remind himself daily to choose faith over fear, then I should probably be reminding myself even more often."

You can read the whole talk here.

Thanks Bee!

Braces: The Sequel

Danika got her braces off last month . . . what a goof.


And Brooke got hers on 2 days ago . . .

And thus, the torch passes from one sister to the other.

Good News!

So here it is, 2 weeks since my last post, and I'm already failing at my resolution to post more often. Oh well. I've decided that I'm okay with mediocrity in most areas of my life, so why start being "gung ho" now? ;-)

Anyway, the good news is . . . Mike is not going to Iraq in February! Yay!!! That is a huge relief. And some other good news we got on Wednesday is that he has been named the new director of the RCFL in Salt Lake (that is where he works--Regional Computer Forensics Lab)! Another yay! We are so blessed.

It's funny how you can go along for years operating under the status quo, and then all of the sudden have so many changes thrown at you. It's a growing period for us I guess--but again, that dang happiness anxiety keeps nagging at the back of my brain. I just hope "growth" doesn't equal tragedy or calamity. I just keep thinking of a friend of ours from college who passed away last Friday of a brain tumor. Evan was 42, and he and his family had fought a very exhausting battle for 2 1/2 years. His wife Margot was amazing through the entire ordeal, and I just hope Heavenly Father knows I could not be that strong.

Haiti and the after effects of the earthquake are haunting me too. I just agonize for everyone there who is suffering and trying to help. I wish there were something I could do to directly relieve even just one person's pain or to meet their needs--especially all those children. I guess all I can do is donate money to the Humanitarian Fund and maybe make hygiene kits and pray. It's a terrible scene, and I wonder if it will ever happen to us. And the floods and mudslides in California--that's another disaster in the making as I type. It's hard to feel calm when there is so much turmoil. It's interesting that the Mutual theme for this year is Joshua 1:9:

"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest"

It's easy to have courage when you're sitting in a warm, safe home with a full belly, and I wonder what tests of strength, courage, and faith await us and our children in the coming months and years.

But on a happier note, we spent the long weekend in Las Vegas. Sunday Alexis (Barlow) Christiansen (one of my Laurels when I was YW pres. in that ward) sang in church, so I got to see her and her baby. She has 3 girls now--just like me! And I got to go to lunch with my girlfriends from our old ward--all of whom I am extremely blessed to have in my life. All the women in this group are a-ma-zing and constitute Primary (past and present), Young Women (past and present), Relief Society, and former Stake Young Women's presidencies. More importantly, they are the righteous moms of my girls' friends, and I love them for being such wonderful examples! You couldn't find better women anywhere, not even Utah (lol! wink). I miss them so much, but I'm so glad we can stay in touch.

Left to right: Jodi Thomson, Toni Thatcher, Kim Goon, Linda Borla,
Amelia Haycock, me, Wendy Davis, Cheri Jenkins

We stayed at the Delahoussaye's and Debbie let Megan hold Dustin's snake!


Oh, and one last thought . . . the Newbery Medal was awarded on Monday to this book . . .


If you have kids in 5th through 8th grade, I highly recommend they read this! It's a great story--I loved it.